


Waiting for a Reset

by DeckofDragons



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Not necessarily fontcest but it can be if you want, Other, Post Leaderless End, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal actions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 06:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9980648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeckofDragons/pseuds/DeckofDragons
Summary: The Resets seem to have finally come to an end. Sans would've been grateful for that if it wasn't for one little problem. Papyrus was dead, and with the Resets stopped he wasn't coming back.





	

The Resets seemed to have finally come to a stop. It had been more than a year since the last one, far longer than any time before. And after what had to have been the equivalent of years and years stuck in that same Reset loop, Sans should’ve been grateful.

But there was a problem, a big problem. The last run through the Underground the kid had done had been one of the few where they hadn’t necessarily gone out of their way to kill absolutely everyone but hadn’t avoided it any either. They’d spared only a few monsters here and there for some stupid arbitrary reason that Sans would never comprehend. While killing Papyrus and most everyone else for some other unknown reason that Sans had no desire to understand.

Which had left the Underground half empty and with all their former leaders dead, along with anyone who would’ve been willing to take their place. Of everyone left alive there’d been no one brave enough to step forward to even try to take up the reins of leadership. Sans probably could have if he had wanted to. But he’d thought that everything would Reset in a week or two, just like it always had before, so it wouldn’t have mattered. He’d been wrong.

Bereft of a leader and with no hope of ever reaching the Surface, the human souls having disappeared along with the kid, everyone left alive had sort of drifted apart in despair. Everyone seemed to be waiting for their inevitable death. And the past year had been filled with more suicides than Sans dared to consider. Monsters were on the brink of extinction. And if this continued they probably would be in another year or two.

And now that the awful truth about the end of the Resets had finally fully sunk in, Sans was thinking about joining those who had decided to end it early. It would beat waiting to die as he and most everyone else seemed to be doing right now. Papyrus had been the only thing keeping him going throughout the Resets. What was the point of even trying to go on now that he was gone for good?

Forcing himself to sit up, Sans looked around at the cold empty house. It didn’t even look much like home anymore. The dishes were piled high in the sink and the mess in Sans’ room had spread to the rest of the house. What was the point of cleaning up when he’d been waiting for a Reset the whole time anyway? When he’d been waiting for Papyrus to come back and take care of him like he always had.

If Papyrus ever saw the house in this state he’d have a cow and Sans would be in for the scolding of a life time. He’d probably say something along the lines of, “Sans, how could you have let the house become this dirty? Would it have really hurt you to clean up a little bit every once in a while?” And then Sans would’ve made a pun about how much of a lazybones he could be sometimes. Papyrus would’ve then made an annoyed comment about it not being the time for bad jokes. And how they needed to start cleaning if they wanted to get it done before supper time because he had something special planned. That something special being spaghetti as it always was, spaghetti being his favourite dish to prepare.

Sans sighed heavily as he gripped the red scarf wrapped around his neck. Just thinking about Papyrus was enough to bring tears to his eyes these days. He would’ve gladly taken any level of scolding and annoyance if it meant he got to see Papyrus again. Heck, he’d even be willing to go through a hundred more Resets if it meant being with Papyrus again.

But that wasn’t going to happen. The kid had apparently finally gotten bored of Resetting and had decided to leave them like this. One last final ‘fuck you’ before disappearing forever. Leaving what remained of monsterkind to slowly die off with no hope of ever seeing the Surface. And leaving Sans with no hope of ever seeing his beloved brother again, after years and years of letting him die, not doing anything about it because it didn’t matter anyway because it was just going to Reset again.

“I’m sorry Paps,” he said just to fill the empty air. His voice sounded hollow and withdrawn, even to himself. He should’ve at least tried to do something to save Papyrus. Even if it was something simple like warning him that the kid was going to kill him if he confronted them and offered Mercy.

But Sans had done as he’d always done during almost every Reset that had come before. He’d gone to Grillby’s and gotten drunk, pretending nothing was happening. Because what was the point when nothing he did ever mattered anyway? Even if he’d stopped the kid from killing Papyrus they would’ve found another way, they always did. Even if it meant killing Sans first.

With another sigh, he forced himself to his feet. He ignored the slight wave of dizziness that passed through him at the sudden motion. He hadn’t eaten in what had to have been at least a day or two by now. He’d been too busy napping on the couch, lost in his own despair. Without Papyrus there to motivate him to get up and do stuff, he didn’t see the point of even getting out bed most days. And climbing the stairs up to his room being so much work, he often ended up sleeping on the couch instead. Another thing Papyrus would’ve scolded him about if he were around to care.

Sans dragged his feet over to the kitchen, stepping around the mess with practiced ease. He made his way over to the fridge and pulled the door open. It was empty. Oh, that’s right he’d run out of food a little while ago. If he wanted anything he’d have to go looking for it.

Having literally nothing better to do anyway, Sans trudged to the front door. The cold hit him as he stepped out. He was the only one left in Snowdin. Everyone else had either been killed by the kid, died from something else, or had moved to the Capital where most of the rest of the monsters had gone. Despite how lonely he felt, Sans couldn’t bring himself to leave. This was the house he’d lived in with Papyrus for years. Even before the Resets had started they’d lived happily together here. Leaving it would’ve felt like abandoning hope on a Reset occurring and Papyrus coming back.

He made his way through Snowdin, the snow crunching beneath his feet. In the absence of everyone who used to live here a deathly silence had settled over the town. It seemed to weigh heavy on his shoulders. A true mark of how oppressive living trapped Underground could be, with no wind to freshen the air or stir the leaves. And with Papyrus gone there was now no one around to help him forget that fact, or at least make it bearable.

But hey, at least the Gyftmas tree still stood tall and proud in the center of town. It continued to look disgustingly cheerful despite being neglected for so long and its otherwise dour surroundings. Sans was half tempted to summon a Blaster and destroy the damn thing just for spite. But that wouldn’t accomplish anything and would take far too much effort.

So, he kept walking instead. He didn’t really have a destination in mind, just wanted to get away for a little while. Not that he could ever get away from the silence or the emptiness. Or the thoughts of Papyrus and the Resets. But despite everything it felt good to be moving, even if he wasn’t going anywhere.

Eventually he reached the end of Snowdin and entered Waterfall. Unlike Snowdin, Waterfall wasn’t completely abandoned. There were still a few people here and there, not wanting to leave the cool waters Waterfall had to offer. But right now, Sans didn’t see anyone. He didn’t even know if he wanted to see anyone. What could they possibly talk about other than monsters’ impending extinction all because some cruel child decided to come through and murder half the population? Yeah, that’d be a real cheery conversation. Or about their lives before the kid came through? Which would’ve been just as depressing, only in a different way and for different reasons.

As he walked he came across an echo flower. He paused to listen to whatever its recorded message might be. “ _I miss my mom and dad. Why did the human kill them? They didn’t do anything._ ” It was a kid’s voice, small and sniveling.

Sans sighed as he moved on. Why _had_ the kid decided to kill almost everyone they’d come across? There had been several Resets where they’d gone through and went out of their way not to kill a single person. Why couldn’t they have ended the Resets after one of those runs? When everyone had been freed to see the Surface at last.

Another echo flower he paused at echoed back the sounds of someone sobbing in despair. And another one that talked about how lonely and dark the Underground was. And several others with equally depressing messages, mostly about lost loved ones.

All they did was remind Sans that he wasn’t the only one who’d lost someone dear to him. Almost everyone in the Underground had. All at the hands of that kid who’d evidently thought that playing god with the lives of others was entertaining. And that leaving them like this after all of that was somehow okay.

“ _What’s the point of even going on anymore?_ ” This echo flower seemed to echo back Sans’ thoughts without him even having to speak them aloud. What _was_ the point of going on when everything that had ever mattered to him was gone? When Papyrus was dead and never coming back through a Reset or otherwise.

Sans stopped pausing to listen to them after that. He didn’t need any more reminders of how lonely he and everyone else left alive were.

He kept walking instead, even picking up his pace a little. He still didn’t know where he was going but didn’t really care either. It was a last-ditch attempt at getting away from his despair. One that was doomed to fail.

After another little while he reached the Dump. It was slightly more overflowing with garbage than usual. Not only were there less monsters to dig through it and pull out all the interesting bits but there were also less people with the willpower to do so. What was the point of owning interesting things when one’s race was doomed to extinction soon anyway?

He kept going until he reached the river that flowed into the abyss, carrying lose bits of garbage over with it. It was quiet other than the soothing sound of the river as it flowed over the edge into the dark abyss. And he appeared to be alone.

Something about this place told Sans that this is where he’d been going, even if he hadn’t been consciously aware of it. Or maybe his laziness had finally caught up to him and he just didn’t want to walk anymore.

He stepped up to the edge to look down into the darkness that no light could ever penetrate. He’d stood here before on a few occasions, when the Resets had gotten to him and he’d wanted a break. He’d never gone through with it though, he could never do that to Papyrus even if he’d just forget when everything Reset anyway.

But that wasn’t a problem now. If he did step over the edge literally no one would miss him or even notice that he’d disappeared. Everyone who would’ve cared was dead now.

He wondered what was at the bottom. Some people said that there was no bottom, that it went on and on forever until it reached the other side of the planet. Or that at least it was so deep that anyone who fell in would starve to death long before they reached the bottom. Heck, some people even said that it was a gateway into the void.

None of those things could be true though. There was a bottom just too far down to see from here. Anyone who fell down would die when they hit it.

Peering over the edge, he gripped the scarf around his neck again. The one that he’d made for Papyrus what felt like forever ever ago now. What would Papyrus say if he saw Sans here, thinking about jumping off? He’d be sad and tell Sans not to do it, that everything would get better if he just gave it the chance. Because to him everything and everyone always had the potential to get better, no matter how dreary the circumstances or bad the person.

Even back when they’d been children, Papyrus had always been a ray of positivity and hope in Sans’ life. He’d always gone out of his way to cheer Sans up when he was sad or upset, no matter how inconsequential his reason for being upset was.

But Papyrus was gone now. He wasn’t around to ensure Sans that everything was going to turn out all right. That all they had to do was be positive and work together on fixing things. That monsters didn’t have to go extinct, all they needed was someone to organize them and get things running again. They just needed someone to give them a purpose and hope for a better future.

Papyrus could’ve done that, had done that during several Resets. He’d been a bright ray of sunshine not just to Sans but to the entire Underground. But Sans wasn’t Papyrus, he couldn’t do that. And with Papyrus gone he had no purpose or hope for the future himself. How could he provide that to other people when he didn’t have it himself?

So, what was the point of going on? He’d just end up slowly dying anyway. Might as well make it quick.

He lifted one foot and hovered it over the abyss. His pink slipper, never the tightest of footwear, slipped off. It was quickly swallowed by the darkness, never to be seen again.

Maybe this wasn’t the quickest way to end it. Who knew how long the fall was? But it certainly seemed a peaceful way to go, falling into the blackness surrounded by the sound of the waterfall and rushing air. It would definitely be better than being murdered by the kid for the umpteenth time.

Despite that, he hesitated. Some small part of him still wanted to cling to life, a survival instinct. What was the point of having that when he had nothing left to live for?

Taking a deep breath, he pulled back his now bare foot. He willed himself to step back over the edge and end it once and for all. He wanted to die, had been thinking about it for a long while now. But… how disappointed in him would Papyrus be if he just gave up like that? If he didn’t even _try_ to make things better for himself or anyone else.

But Papyrus wasn’t here to be disappointed with him. He’d never be disappointed with Sans’ laziness or tendency to give up too soon ever again. So, why bother going on?

Even if he did try to organize what was left of monsterkind and help them regain hope or a reason to live, he’d probably fail. Who would want to listen to anything he had to say? It was probably too late now anyway, if he wanted to do something like that he should’ve done it way back at the beginning.

He continued to stare down into the abyss. Of all the times he’d died throughout the Resets, they’d all been at the hands of the kid. Even if he’d thought about it and considered it numerous times, he’d never committed suicide. Even with the knowledge that he’d come back when the world Reset.

Would dying from a long fall feel any different from having his ribcage slashed open? Would it hurt less? It would probably at least be faster. And permanent. The Resets were over, if he went through with this he wouldn’t come back.

That thought had always appealed to him every time he’d thought about this before. But here faced with the decision to end it all forever and achieve peace and eternal oblivion, he hesitated.

Papyrus wouldn’t want him to do that. If it were Papyrus who’d been the one left alive he wouldn’t be here. Even in his grief he probably would’ve tried his best to help everyone else too. He no doubt would’ve done everything in his power to organize what was left of the monsters and give them a reason to go on. He would’ve _tried_ to make things better for himself and everyone around him. Because he was awesome like that and he knew it. And he was always ready to tell people about how awesome he was and how awesome they were too.

Sans vision blurred with tears as he took several shaky steps back away from the abyss. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t dishonor Papyrus’ memory like that. Killing himself would be going against everything Papyrus had been telling him pretty much from the moment he’d learned to talk. That anyone and everything could get better if one was just willing to put the effort in to make it so. That giving up was never the answer.

To honor Papyrus’ memory the least Sans could do was try to go on, even if things couldn’t get any worse right now. He could try to be more like Papyrus and make an effort to make the Underground a better place. He could do as Papyrus had been asking him to do for years and put some real effort into something for once. And hey, even if he failed it’s not like things could get much worse. He and the rest of the of the monsters in the Underground already hit rock bottom. And like Papyrus had said to him once, hitting rock bottom only meant things could get better.

“Ha, Paps even when you’re gone you still somehow manage to make me feel better,” he said, ignoring the tears streaming down his face. “You’ve always been like a _rock_ -solid foundation for me, even when I’m really down in the _dumps_.” He smiled slightly at the thought of what look Papyrus would’ve given him for those puns. Because this was most certainly not a time for bad jokes. They’d been having a serious moment and Sans had just had to ruin it with more of his bad puns.

“I’ll miss you though.” He would never stop missing Papyrus. He could live for a hundred more years and every day he’d be aware of the empty ache in his soul that Papyrus had left when he’d died. “But I’ll try to do better, okay? Just as you’ve always been asking me to.”


End file.
